Stories from…STEPS // Kim
We asked Kim* to share her experiences from the most recent STEPS course in Limehouse.
I started STEPS because I felt like there were many areas in my life where I could do with some help. It wasn’t easy to nail down the exact issue I wanted to work on, but I began to realise that many aspects of my behaviour, thoughts, and feelings such as perfectionism, control, anxiety, hesitation/procrastination, and unrealistic expectations of myself were due to a common reason – I had a fear of failure. With this focus in mind, I journeyed on the STEPS course to see if it could help me.
The course gave me a good perspective about the issue I was working on, and it provided very handy “tools” which helped me unravel my fear of failure in a safe and guided environment. The course content flowed very well from one week to the next, and the concepts we learned each week all made so much sense. It was easy to understand; the speakers shared valuable insights and examples which I could relate to and apply to my own situation – so much food for thought! The exercises at the end of each chapter were a very good way to “force” me to reflect on my behaviours, actions, and thoughts, and really start to do something about them. It wasn’t always an easy journey to ask myself those questions and complete the exercises, but it was well-worth putting the time and effort into it as in the end, you get out as much as you put in. Initially the group session was a bit strange as you didn’t get feedback from anyone, however as the course progressed I really appreciated this method as it gave me the freedom to spill my heart (and mind) out. Often I found that this “free-speech” gave me even more insight to how I was feeling, thinking, and behaving – even more than what I had already written down! The opportunity to listen to others in the group share about themselves is also so valuable as it makes you feel that you are definitely not alone or the only one struggling, and it’s amazing what you can learn from others just by listening.
The biggest change for me came quite early on (much to my surprise), around Chapter 3 when we discussed the power of surrendering. When I started this course I had decided that I was going to give it my all and really try my best to go through each step earnestly and honestly. I had tried to surrender myself to God many times before but I don’t know why, this time while on this course I truly did. This didn’t mean that the following weeks were a breeze for me: I still struggled with some chapters and I had to constantly remind myself to put into practice whatever I had learned each week. In the weeks that went by I simply felt so much “lighter” and so much more able to deal with my issue, as I knew that with God by my side. With my newfound awareness and understanding of my thoughts and actions, I felt like I was definitely on the right path to overcoming my fear of failure. What I am really pleased about is that throughout the weeks I actually managed to catch myself in my old patterns/habits and change my thoughts and behaviours in some everyday situations. I am so glad and thankful that I did STEPS and am now able to recognise my negative thought and behavioural patterns and try to change them. – It’s greatly improved my quality of life!
*Kim’s name has been changed to protect her anonymity.